


Five times Dave fucked up at being a Hero and the One time he didn’t

by LeRien



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Canon Compliant, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Post-Canon, Post-Sburb, SBURB
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-06
Updated: 2017-01-06
Packaged: 2018-09-15 07:05:24
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,277
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9224273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LeRien/pseuds/LeRien
Summary: Dave had never been a hero and he knew it.It was not the worst thing though. The worst thing was knowing he could have been.And he fucked up.





	

**Five times Dave fucked up at being a Hero and the One time he didn’t**

 

Dave was never a hero. He knew it, everyone knew it, hell even _John_ knew it. They were trying to hide it from him of course. “You are a hero, Dave. Even if you don’t want to acknowledge it. Look at everything you’ve done so far.” There was nothing heroic in what he had done. Everything he had done had been messy and unfinished business, painful for everyone around, and particularly for him.

It was not the worst thing though. The worst thing was knowing he could have been a hero.

And he fucked up.

* * *

 

The first time Dave really fucked up at being a hero was, incidentally, the first time he broke Caledfwlch. He tried to brush it off at the time.

“It was more practical.” He told a not-so-impressed Terezi.

In a weird way, he did not regret it. The broken sword made him feel whole, in an ironic way he never intended. It was less pressuring too. People did not expect a boy with a broken sword to save them. People did not expect a boy with a broken sword to be a hero.

He could stick to be just Dave. He could be himself. He could show just how broken he was.

And it was the first time he realised that.

* * *

 

The second time he fucked up, he did not realise before it was too late. His Bro – the man who, despite everything, had raised him into whatever the hell he was now – was dead. Dead from a nasty death too, Dave strongly suspected the hole in his chest made him agonized for… Well, Dave did not really want to know how long.

He did not even get to say goodbye.

He supposed it was for the best. He would not have known what to say anyway.

He did not cry. He still was not crying when Terezi colourfully pushed him into putting his sorry ass in gear.

Heroes did not cry.

And it did not matter that he had already fucked up twice at being a hero, he still had to be.

* * *

 

The third time he fucked up, it was bad. Very bad. Universe-collapsing bad.

“I’m going with you.” Rose had said simply and he did not prevent her because she was only acting like the hero she was.

He was not. He was just trying to fix his uncountable mistakes. He still thought it was his fault somehow, no matter how much Rose tried to convince him it was not.

He knew the truth.

“Let’s fucking do this.” He said, standing up as the monstrous bomb started blowing. “Let’s _make this happen_.”

* * *

 

The fourth time he fucked up would probably not be seen as important as the others, considering. But it was the one he had been the most scared. So he had done the only thing he had learnt to do in these cases: he had tried to hide. To pretend this whole sentimental mess did not even exist on the first place.

It was crazy how inventive you could get when seeking for hidden places from a foul-mouthed troll on a meteor the size of a small city.

He still wondered how it did happen. You could not develop _these_ kind of feelings out of the blue, could you? And the problem was not even that Karkat minded – in fact, from Karkat’s reaction, Dave was pretty sure Karkat did very much _not_ mind -, the problem was that Dave was not supposed to, not allowed to, it was wrong, it was a weakness, it was not hero-worthy, it-

When Karkat finally found him crying at the other side of the meteor, he did not say a word. Instead, he simply hugged him with all his might, wonderfully, incredibly _there_ , for him, for Dave.

And even later, when Karkat found again his voice and started shouting his lungs out for scaring him to death and did Dave even _eat_ and _sleep_ and _never do that again, asshole_ , Dave felt unbelievably grateful.

“I love you” he muffed and it was bad-timed and too late and the most pathetic thing you have ever heard but Karkat sighed.

“I love you too. Idiot.”

And this time, Dave thought that maybe – _just maybe_ – fucking up at being a hero was not so bad as long as there was someone to help him fix his mess.

* * *

 

The most recent time he fucked up at being a hero still made him want to puke.

It was not even the fact that it was because Dirk looked so much like – well – Bro. It was not even the fact he had just started to think that maybe – just maybe – Dirk and he could actually have a healthy, brotherly relationship, just like… well, normal people he guessed.

It was the speed with which he took his decision. He had just glimpsed them – all three of them – threatening each other, Dirk’s unbreakable katana desperately standing against their fate.

He had not even paused to think if he could do it, he _had known_ he had to. Caledfwlch – or was it Caledscratch? He did not remember. Or care for that matter – cut into the katana as it was butter. It made him even sicker. The ultimate proof that it had been the right thing to do.

The ultimate proof that despite doing all the good things to be a hero, he still felt as he fucked up.

He had split the timeline, for the first time in a long time and waited until Dirk seemed to breathe normally again.

And then, he broke down.

All his regrets came back creeping at him, all his mistakes, all the times he had fucked up so badly.

“I’m so sorry.” He sobbed. And he did not even know if he was apologizing to Dirk or to Bro or to the universe.

But it was Dirk who hugged him in response.

“Thank you.” He said.

And somehow, Dave felt that, even if he fucked up again at being a hero, he achieved something greater. Something infinitely more important.

And he was grateful.

* * *

 

“So. Karkat and I are. Like. A thing.”

For once, it wasn’t his foot that he felt in his mouth but his heart. John had better answer or Dave was sure he was going to projectile-vomit all over him.

John looked confused for a second. “Uh. Okay. Great? I suppose. I mean. I’m very happy for you, guys.” And John smiled his stupid bucked-toothed smile.

A weight fell off Dave’s chest and he stopped crushing Karkat’s fingers in his.

“Yeah. So. Yeah. Cheers.” He said in a kind of strangled voice.

He turned and dragged Karkat back to their room as fast as he could, desperately trying to hide his tears.

_Heroes do not cry, little man_.

He laughed through his tears. Weird that Bro’s mantra chose this moment to rise from his memory. Anyhow, the mantra was wrong. Dave had seen John cry. He had seen Dirk cry. Hell, he had even seen Karkat, the most heroic person he knew, no contest, cry his heart out.

Heroes do cry. That was why there were heroes and not insensitive assholes.

“Dave.”

Karkat’s voice finally made it through the haze Dave was in and the blond boy looked at him.

“Yeah?”

And in Karkat’s eyes, Dave saw the proof that, for once, and without anyone but his wonderful boyfriend knowing, he had not fucked up.

“I’m proud of you.”

For the first time in what seemed his whole life, Dave accepted the fact that he was a hero.

 

**The end**

**Author's Note:**

> Gah this is almost too saccharine, even for me, but I just find them sweet and Dave is a precious flower in a castle of Strider-coolness.


End file.
